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Friday, July 09, 2004

The Lord of the Right-Wing...

"One Wing to rule them all, One Wing to fright them..." (mondo apologies to J.R.R. Tolkein)
I try not to take much notice of the columnists in the Sun chain of papers. When I was living in Calgary (my 5½ years in purgatory) the Sun was a fairly moderate little paper, in that it had columnists of just about every political stripe appearing in its pages. Lubor J. Zink was balanced out by Maude Barlow, and so on. These days the Sun papers seem to have moved their choice of columnists well towards the right, and the Calgary Sun indulges in columnar overkill with the appearance of both the Byfields (père et fils) in its pages.

The problem I find with most right-wing columnists (leaving aside my obvious political bias) is that so few of them seem to have any kind of a sense of humour. Lubor Zink (probably Canada's most fervent anti-communist columnist, now deceased) could occasionally turn out a humourous piece, but the current crop of right-wingers are merely (and consistently) tedious to read.


A title of a column by Mike Jenkinson in the Edmonton Sun caught my eye and, having just watched the final installment of Peter Jackson's The Lord of the Rings, I just had to read it:
Ontarianses say they won't vote for Reform party. Too much like Orcs. No Reformers there. Ontarianses say they won't votes for Canadian Alliance party. Still too much like Orcs. No Allianceses there, either. So we gives wretched Ontarianses another party. New Conservative party. Moderate. Soft. Fat, like the hobbits. Still they votes Liberal! Wretched Ontarianses! We hates them all! Gollum! Gollum!
Canada is covered in shadows thanks to them. Darkness falls. Socialists now roam like Orcs. They stoles our money! They stoles our freedom! They stoles the precioussss government!
I just love the idea of the New Conservative (Reform/Alliance - whatever) Party as the collective Gollum of Canada. Somehow, it fits...and I'll be keeping an eye out for Mr. Jenkinson's pieces in the future.